OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
When are your genitals available?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
