This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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