and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
