Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
