you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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