It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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