imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
