I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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