the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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