genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
