There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
