Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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