Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
