I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
