If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
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Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
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I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My life is pants optional.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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