I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
