Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We need a shit load of segways right now
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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