he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
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Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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