Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
