He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
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After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
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I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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