Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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