you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I touched a dick in church today
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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