Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
