i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
