I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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