I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
