3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
