college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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