The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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