i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
