you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
