In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
