He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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