He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
