Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.