I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
