id be glad to
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
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i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
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Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."