i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?