Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
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I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
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He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf