I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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