Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.

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(323): I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now. http://tfl.nu/r6w8

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(301): View more from Maryland

We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud

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(301): We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud http://tfl.nu/i29s

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks

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(508): ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks http://tfl.nu/ycbx

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(812): View more from Indiana

just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"

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(812): just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer" http://tfl.nu/i06z

Replies (29) Good night (1245) Bad night (9672)
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(602): View more from Arizona

You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.

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(602): You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy. http://tfl.nu/r33s

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(440): View more from Ohio

i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.

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(440): i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too. http://tfl.nu/6m2a

Replies (15) Good night (1327) Bad night (3020)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

he thanks me after handjobs.

(1-203): View more from Connecticut

you found the perfect man.

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(203): he thanks me after handjobs. (1-203): you found the perfect man. http://tfl.nu/eh9t

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(240): View more from Maryland

I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.

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(240): I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop. http://tfl.nu/iw16

Replies (20) Good night (3818) Bad night (1589)
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(207): View more from Maine

It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.

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(207): It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it. http://tfl.nu/yxow

Replies (4) Good night (2543) Bad night (893)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count

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(678): I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count http://tfl.nu/smaa

Replies (4) Good night (1681) Bad night (1017)
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(320): View more from Minnesota

My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.

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(320): My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with. http://tfl.nu/8o04

Replies (0) Good night (724) Bad night (568)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.

(479): View more from Arkansas

It was "against protocol"

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(479): I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me. (479): It was "against protocol" http://tfl.nu/5591

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(425): View more from Washington

My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked

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(425): My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked http://tfl.nu/kxqx

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(705): View more from Ontario

Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life

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(705): Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life http://tfl.nu/jm2i

Replies (1) Good night (308) Bad night (220)
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(815): View more from Illinois

not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story

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(815): not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story http://tfl.nu/tzip

Replies (5) Good night (233) Bad night (275)

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