and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
