the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
