he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
