she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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