Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
