I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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