My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
