He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
