you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
