im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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