1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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