Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
