I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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