His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
