dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
