so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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