Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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