; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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