Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
