Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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