So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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