I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
