why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
