I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
send nudes
from the living room?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
