i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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