that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
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And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
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You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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