; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
