Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
