where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm bleeding and have questions
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
