I am puke
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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