i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
