Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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