these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Randomize
