Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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