I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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