This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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