Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
