I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
