No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i love accidental penises.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
