TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
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Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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