You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
